I am an Artist
I am an artist. For some reason it has taken me years to embrace this concept. I’ve always felt the need to qualify it… I play piano. I love music. I teach piano. I enjoy singing. I’ve written some songs. But does that make me a musician? An artist? I could embrace the identity of being a teacher because I’ve done that as a part time job for 18 years. And I’ve always known I have a creative streak. But part of me has always felt like it’s too presumptuous to say I’m an artist, or I’m a musician, if I’m not doing it professionally. Maybe there’s some truth to that. But not really. Just because I have never produced a song professionally doesn’t mean I’m not gifted at song writing. Just because I’ve always felt the need to have a hierarchy to my “identities”… Daughter of the King, wife, mother, other relationships, music teacher, bookkeeper, whatever else I’ve been… doesn’t mean it’s not significant to be an artist.
I think each of us has a desire to receive feedback on where are strengths lie to help confirm to us what we might be called to do… but even when we hear it, it can take awhile to sink in. My whole life my parents, siblings, people close to me have encouraged me in making music and songwriting. It’s given me confidence to play for them, and my church family. But part of me always wondered if they just encouraged me because they were close to me. That somehow it might not mean I’m actually good, because of course they are going to encourage me, they are my family and friends. Can you relate?
The problem with all this is that it is looking to other people for confirmation. For validation. For whether we are “good enough”. This year, and this past week in particular have been hugely life-changing for me. At least in how I look at myself, and the permission I give myself to make and write music. I always allowed myself to do the music that was “practical”. Play for church, write a song for a wedding, etc. But now I am embracing a “less practical” call. What if I could write music for generations? What if I’m called to write music? I’ll keep writing for HIM. Because HE gave me the gift, I’ll do my best with it. I am an artist.
